When recovery feels “wrong”
Recovery can sometimes feel wrong. Not because it is wrong, but because your nervous system often experiences the loss of protection before it experiences the freedom that recovery offers.
When we talk about recovery, we often describe it as freedom. Freedom from food rules, freedom from constant thoughts about eating, freedom to be more present, more spontaneous and more connected. Yet it doesn’t always feel that way in the beginning. Sometimes it feels like loss, uncertainty and discomfort.
Eating disorders are rarely just about food. They are often ways of navigating a world that feels uncertain or overwhelming. They can create predictability when life feels chaotic, offer a sense of achievement when self-worth feels fragile or provide a feeling of control when everything else feels out of reach. These strategies often began as attempts to protect us. They made sense in the context in which they developed, even if they are no longer needed or no longer serve us.
Recovery asks you to loosen the grip on something that once helped you survive before you’ve had the chance to fully experience new ways of feeling safe.. So it makes sense that it can feel deeply uncomfortable.
When recovery feels hard, you may notice a part of you pulling back towards the eating disorder. This is not failure.
Take a moment to see how this lands…
What if that discomfort isn’t a sign that recovery is wrong? What if it’s a sign that your mind and body are adjusting, to something unfamiliar. Something new. Something different.
Our nervous systems are drawn towards what feels familiar, even when those patterns no longer serve us. What is familiar can feel safer than what is unknown.
Recovery isn’t only about changing behaviours; it’s about gradually letting go of coping strategies that your mind and body have relied upon for a long time. It often means making choices before your mind and body fully trusts that they are safe. It might mean trusting hunger instead of numbers, flexibility instead of certainty or responding to your body’s signals instead of rules. This can feel like learning a completely new language. And just like learning anything new, it takes time, consistency and practice before it starts to feel natural.
As old patterns begin to loosen, many people notice a part of them grieving what is being left behind. When something has helped you feel safe for a long time, it often becomes woven into your sense of self. Even when an eating disorder has caused immense suffering, it may also have shaped your routines, your relationships and the way you understand yourself.
Finding a sense of self beyond the eating disorder doesn’t happen overnight. It grows through hundreds of small moments of responding to your needs in a different way.You can’t simply talk your self into changing or feeling safe. It’s something you have to show your body through repeated experiences..
You can miss it without wanting it back
You can hold two truths at once. You can feel grateful for recovery while grieving what you’re leaving behind. You can recognise that something harmed you while also acknowledging that it once served a protective purpose. Holding both truths isn’t a sign that you’re moving backwards. It’s often part of moving forwards.
This is why recovery takes time. Not because you’re doing it wrong, but because learning a new way of feeling safe cannot be rushed.
Recovery doesn’t ask you to erase the part of you that once needed these strategies. It asks you to understand why they were needed, while gently helping your mind and body discover that they no longer have to carry the same job. Little by little, safety becomes something that comes from within rather than from food, rules or control.
Online Somatic Eating Disorder Support (UK)
I offer online eating disorder support for adults across the UK and internationally. My approach integrates nervous system work, somatic awareness and nutrition support to help you move from survival to steadiness.
If you’re curious about working together, you can book a discovery call here.