Stop Commenting On People’s Food Choices
"Are you going to eat the whole thing? “
“Do you know how many calories that has in it?”
“You are young so can get away with eating that. Just wait until your my age”
“I wish I could eat carbs like you?”
Commenting on what other people are eating has become a normal and accepted thing in today’s society. However it often can be harmful and trigger difficult emotions or reinforce thoughts that someone already has about themselves. This is particularly true if someone is struggling with an Eating Disorder or Disordered Eating. A seemingly ‘innocent’ comment can lead that person to participate in unhealthy behaviours like restricting or bingeing,.
You don’t know where someone is in their relationship with food or what their goals are so catch yourself before you make a comment and REMIND yourself that what someone else is eating has nothing to do with you.
My Experience
This is something I experienced many times when I was in recovery from my ED. The first battle was telling myself I needed the food, the second battle was preparing the food, the third battle was eating the food. That in itself was a challenge. So when a work colleague or a housemate would pass a flying comment about how big my meal was, or how she couldn’t possibly eat a sandwich like that it would push me over the edge, make me feel super self conscious and drive those feelings of guilt & greed.
How did I handle this?
At first I would cry and go back to my ‘coping’ mechanisms that helped numb the pain and make me ‘feel more in control again’ “I will show them”. Unsurprisingly that didn’t help, because it was me that suffered, not them. They went on living their lives, and I become more miserable, sad and Isolated.
I started practising in my bedroom, what I could say in response to food comments “I am actually recovering from and ED so making comments on my food is really unhelp. I would appreciate if you wouldn’t” I found this one so helpful. Sure, I felt awkward saying it at first, but it was surprising to see people’s response. They were often so UNAWARE that their comments were triggering and the comments ALWAYS stopped.
Instead of just internalising your feelings and allowing them to reinforce your deep beliefs, you are practising putting your needs first. This may be the first time you have done this.
Here are some responses that I found helpful:
This is what I have agreed with my nutritionist
Thank you.
I am recovering from and ED and comments about my food are not helpful. I would appreciate if you wouldn’t mind stopping.
If you are struggling in your. recovery, please know you CAN get through this. Feel free to get in touch so we can have a chat.