Reconnecting to your feelings
A healthy approach to feelings is firstly being able to recognise what you feel, where you feel it, accept & validate the feeling and then create space and distance.
You move away from fearing your emotions or trying to ignore, suppress, distract and avoid them and instead you choose to experience the emotion and respond with kindness and compassion.
Experiencing ALL feelings are part of what makes us human.
Take a moment and ponder on these questions:
Do you tend to avoid negative feelings?
Do you try and distract or ‘push’ through uncomfortable feelings?
Do you tell yourself to stop being silly and get on with things?
These responses are really common, but they can also be harmful. They reinforce that our feelings are invalid, something to fear and avoid & something we should push away.
If you were raised in a household where emotions such as fear, sadness, anger, guilt and despair were labelled as negative and something to fear and happiness, joy pleasure, and thankfulness were encouraged and celebrated, then It’s no wonder that you have become disconnected with your feelings. The good news is you can change this and begin to believe that experiencing feelings are sign that your body is responding in a human way.
Reconnecting to how we feel involves learning how to process negative feelings. A default in being able to do this effectively can result in using coping mechanisms to numb or void feelings such as turning to food an exercise behaviour, alcohol, drugs, sex etc. If you have spent many years numbing feelings, then learning how to feel again can be painful and scary. The overwhelming feelings we experience in our body can cause us to feel out of control. BUT IT IS POSSIBLE!
Learning how to feel
Notice & recognise that you are experiencing a feeling
Find out where in your body you can feel the feeling (a knot in your stomach, a tight chest, a pounding head etc)
Describe the feeling – pleasant, uncomfortable, hot, cold, neutral etc
Give the feeling a name – use the feelings wheel to identify which one feels most likely. Try and go past the core feelings (anger, sadness, happiness etc)
Accept the feeling – “I notice that I am feeling sad and rejected because my friends cancelled on me. It feels really painful.”
Experience the emotion –you can’t get rid of the emotion, but picture it as a wave. As it rises, know that it will fall.
Bring your awareness to your body– stroke your leg, rub your arm, tap your foot – respond to your physical feelings with love and kindness
Connect to what feels meaningful in the moment - this might be journalling, going for a walk, watching tv etc.
Download this printable pdf to help you practice!
Remember, with anything new it takes time and consistency, but I promise you, the more you practice, the easier it gets. No matter how strong the emotion.
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