Overcoming Fear In Eating Disorder Recovery
Guilt; a feeling of shame or remorse that arises from a perceived wrongdoing or violation of one’s own moral standard
Guilt is a human emotion which is useful in helping us to conform to social and ethical norms. It allows us to learn from our mistakes by not repeating the action that caused the guilt in the first place. Guilt is embedded in our belief system. We are not born with a belief system, but instead it is shaped by our life experiences and made up from our values and morals.
We often label guilt as a ‘bad’ emotion, but guilt serves a purpose, and that purpose is to inform us how to act in a way that is aligned with our true values.
When you have an eating disorder your true values become replaced with the values of your eating disorder. You adopt new morals and beliefs which justify your disordered behaviours. An eating disorders value system is built on rules around what you should & shouldn’t be eating and what foods are ‘good’ or ‘bad’. When you violate or go against the rules that your ED has created you feel guilt.
DO ANY OF THESE SOUND FAMILIAR?
‘You shouldn’t have had that’
‘You should have said no’
‘You shouldn’t have skipped that workout’
When I was in the depth of my eating disorder my mind was continually racing with mental rules and rigid thinking. For years this kept me stuck in a vicious cycle. Abiding to the ever-growing rules felt exhausting, but sitting with the feelings of guilt that followed anytime I tried to challenge them was equally exhausting.
GIVING YOUR POWER AWAY
Thoughts and emotions are like the weather. You cannot choose them, but you can choose how you respond to them. Are you going to allow them to hook and pull you in? Or can you can begin to see your thoughts and feelings like clouds floating in the sky, cars passing on a road or leaves in a stream? When you do, they begin to have less power over you.
Continual reinforcement of eating disorders behaviours allows them to take residency and become entrenched. ‘Where your attention goes, energy flows”
Every time you act on an ED thought or give the urge attention, you are influencing and shaping your belief system, giving confirmation to your brain that the notion is “right”. This means when you challenge the eating disorder and do the opposite ‘eat the cake’ ‘reduce exercise’ your brain believes it’s “wrong” and results in feelings of guilt.
HOW DO YOU OVERCOME EATING DISORDER GUILT?
The first step towards overcoming guilt is to recognize and question it when it arises. Ask yourself “why am I feeling guilty”. Is it because you have violated your eating disorder and it’s rules, beliefs & morals? Or have you violated your own core values? It can be helpful to spend some time exploring what your values are, who you want to be and what life you want to live.
Once you have recognized and questioned the guilt, practice showing yourself compassion. Remind yourself that your brain has learnt guilt as a response to a violated rule, so its normal, understandable and safe to feel guilt. You might not be able to control the feeling but you can control how you respond to yourself in the midst of the ‘emotional storm’
Challenge the eating disorder by doing the opposite. This is exactly what it sounds like. You do the exact opposite of what your eating disorder tells you. If your ED tells you to skip breakfast, you eat it. If it tells you to skip that social event, you go. By doing the very opposite you will begin to create NEW neural pathways.
For example; say you decide to challenge the ED and eat breakfast. Your head will be screaming at you, telling you how greedy, fat, disgusting you are. When you repeatedly give attention and get ‘hooked’ by these thoughts your brain will associate eating breakfast with being “wrong” resulting in feeling guilt (violating a moral).
Humans have around 60 000 thoughts per day, many of which are automatic as they require little effort, like ‘default files' saved on a computer. Our brain, the internet server is trying to help us out by saving remembering our regular thoughts and behavioural responses. When we act out of ‘autopilot’ mode we are susceptible to reacting to whatever our minds, emotions and physical sensations are telling us.
Of course challenging the eating disorder is easier said than done, but the only way to truly let go of eating disorder guilt is to rewire your belief system and begin teaching your brain a new way to think that is in alignment with your values and core morals.
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Love Harriett