How To Find Joy in Cooking for one
I posted a poll over on my instagram about cooking for one, and a lot of people shared their struggles around cooking for one.
I want you to know that you are not alone and it is ok if you struggle. Secondly I know how difficult it can be cooking and eating alone. The silence. The thoughts. The feelings. The emotions. The desire to share the experience with someone else. I understand. I have cooked and eaten alone for many years.
I use to allow my thoughts, feelings & emotions to ‘hook’ me and send me in a downward spiral to avoid any pain or discomfort. My mind sounded a little like this….
“You’re such a loser”
“This is going to be your future”
“What’s the point in eating when it’s just for you”
“When you have a partner, then you can make an effort”
“It’s a waste of time and money”
“I could be doing…..xyz instead”
Sound familiar?
You might long to eat with others & have a kitchen full of people and it’s important to hold on to that. But what about if your current reality & circumstance looks different? The gap between our reality and our dreams can cause discomfort with painful thoughts, feelings & emotions. Unless we know how to sit through the discomfort we might find ourself using ‘self soothing’ strategies that actually move us away from our goals.
SO what if you reframed the challenge and CHOOSE to live every day now and not when….x happens?
What if you took this an opportunity to lean inwards, rewrite the narrative, befriend yourself and choose to see the little moments of joy?
For example cooking and eating alone means that you don’t have to cater to anyone else’s needs or preferences. You can eat what and when you like, decide what you do, watch, or listen to and set the tone for the eating environment. It’s a period of time that can solely be for you. That in itself might bring a whole range of thoughts, feelings and emotions. That’s ok. In fact a lot of this blog post might bring up different emotions.
It starts with accepting that YOU are worthy of time & effort. YES YOU. JUST YOU.
Remind yourself that the relationship you have with yourself is the one constant in your life. You’re not going anywhere anytime soon, so nurturing and investing in the relationship you have with yourself is the single best thing you can do.
Once you feel comfortable with cooking and eating alone, you might then explore the eating experiencing, by laying the table, using your best china, lighting a candle, having a glass of wine, or maybe taking yourself out for dinner.
If you are ready to invest in the most important relationship you will ever have, then here are some ideas and things that I have found helpful:
01. Let go of your expectations. People who struggle with perfectionism or who hold excessively high standards of themselves are constantly living with the impending threat of disappointing themselves, often holding them back from ever starting in the first place. Choosing what to cook is not something you either pass or fail. It does not determine your sense of worth or value. Starting somewhere is better than never starting.
02. Keep it simple & release the pressure. Nutritious and delicious food doesn’t have to be fancy or take ages to prepare. A simple omelette, a vibrant stir fry or a spicy mexican traybake are some of my favourite quick and easy meals to make. A game changer for me was having some ‘go to’ dressings that transform any meal. You can download my free Salad dressing eBook here And remember don’t over complicate it - you don’t need to eat different everyday.
03. Do something you enjoy at the same time. Find an entertaining podcast, listen to your favourite playlist, dance to cheesy music, download an audiobook or facetime a friend or family member and have a debrief about your day.
04. Where you can, eat with or around others .You might not always have someone to eat with at home, but what about arranging a breakfast or lunch date with colleagues, or dinner with friends and/or housemates once a week, join a group that incorporate dinners (like a book club or homegroup) eat in a cafe so you are around others, or take your meal in a tupperware to the park or library.
05. Reframe the narrative that cooking for one is ‘extravagant’ or ‘indulging’ - The very basic needs for any human being are food, water, warmth and rest. Without these we would die. Just as you would shower, brush your teeth or get dressed in a morning regardless of whether anyone was with you, the same goes for cooking and eating. It’s a necessity and something you will most likely have to do on a daily basis for the rest of your life.
06. Make extra for a friend. Cooking a big batch of curry or pasta bake and portioning up some for a friend can help make it feel ‘worth it’ at the beginning. Just knowing that someone else will also be enjoying it can be motivating to put in that extra bit of time and love. Eventually you won’t need to cook for anyone else to want to make it delicious. You will be enough :)
07. Set Goals. Think about how cooking and how embracing the eating experience would improve your life. Consider the following questions:
Why is it important? You’re reading this blog, so there must be something inside you that wants to see change.
What would you like to start doing more of?
What could you do differently?
What’s a little step you could take?
What barriers/obstacles can you predict? How will you deal with them? For example if you don’t know how to cook.
How might your mind try to talk you out it?
What uncomfortable feelings/memories might show up? For example if I cook for one, it will remind me how lonely I feel.
How much time are you willing to spend in the kitchen preparing meals/snacks?
08. Learn what foods you like - how can you bring fun and satisfaction into your meals? Often times when we lack motivation it is because we are feeling uninspired or eating something we feel we ‘should’ but that doesn’t actually satisfy our physical and emotional hunger.
09. Discover what works for you . When it comes to planning meals and eating, what sounds good to you? Which recipes jump out? Do you gravitate towards recipes that are quick & easy with minimal ingredients or do you look for ones packed with flavour? What cuisines and cooking methods do you prefer? Do prefer batch cooking or cooking everyday. Learning your unique preferences can help to make the experience more enjoyable. Remember there is no right or wrong way to do this. Just one that feels right for you and that you can consistently do.
10. Ask yourself “Am I willing to sit with the uncomfortable thoughts, feelings and emotions that might show up?” Discomfort is inevitably going to arise whenever you take steps towards something new so learning about how to handle discomfort is essential.
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Love Harriett